My faith is the most important thing in my life, and if I tried to give an account of my entire walk with the Lord I'd be at this computer till classes started in August. I want to focus on one experience and what I learned from it.
Every Sunday I go to church with a guy named Andrew, who went to TCU and graduated a few years ago. He now works for some engineering company or something here in Fort Worth. Anyway, we've taken to talking about the sermons on the car rides back to campus, and we've had some great talks, but one stands out. We were talking about something called the Doctrine of License, which basically says that since Jesus died for all my sins on the cross I can do whatever I want in this life and still go to heaven when I die. It's a highly dangerous road to travel because if you buy into this doctrine chances are you never believed in Jesus in the first place. But that's not what I'm getting at.
I realized something about myself that I had been trying to avoid confronting for a long time. I realized that I was still trying to earn my way into heaven. I'm a textbook Pharisee. I believed that if I did enough Christian things, I could earn God's approval. Basically, I tried to control my own salvation. This made me realize just how much of a control freak I actually am. I'm terrified of letting go and trusting God for my salvation because I'm afraid that it I let go, if I stop trying, then I won't have done enough and there will be no going back.
This led me to realize how small a view of the cross I actually had, and I've grown closer to God because of that encounter. I know it's super personal, but I'm running on little sleep, so deal with it.
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